I yearned to feel like I was sexually desirable at the age of 12. I would coyly lean against the back of my dad’s car in the driveway to get the attention of guys passing by in their cars. If they hooted at me and catcalled, I enjoyed it because in my mind, it was validation. It was feeding my ego, but it was also feeding something else in me -- my eros.
I had been obese as a child, and learned that being overweight was undesirable, so getting that validation as a preteen was a victory for me. Once I actually grew into my body, catcalling felt like men exerting their power over women with their judgment. As a young adult, I still felt self conscious of my body while making love, not confident in my desirability. Luckily, my partner at the time taught me that it’s all about energy, that it didn’t matter what I looked like. If I could just believe I felt desirable and sexy, I could get out of my head and into my body, allowing the sexual energy to percolate and rise up ( down ;-)), embodying a sexual goddess. It was an invaluable lesson and I was so grateful for it. When I took one of the ‘Which Goddess Are You?’ tests online, it told me that I was most aligned with Aphrodite, the Goddess of love, lust, beauty, pleasure and passion. I completely identify with her because one of the great joys in my life is sensuality and sexuality.
Once I was finally able to enjoy sex and feel good about my sexuality, I still felt the societal pressure of having to check myself. In our patriarchal culture, it’s not acceptable for a woman to be overtly sexual. Of course, we all know that’s completely unfair. Women have a lot of sexual energy, too. What would it look like if we were able to unleash all of this energy without judgment, hindrance or fear of being raped? It would be such a magnificent juicy world! I think the men would love it, too.
I had been obese as a child, and learned that being overweight was undesirable, so getting that validation as a preteen was a victory for me. Once I actually grew into my body, catcalling felt like men exerting their power over women with their judgment. As a young adult, I still felt self conscious of my body while making love, not confident in my desirability. Luckily, my partner at the time taught me that it’s all about energy, that it didn’t matter what I looked like. If I could just believe I felt desirable and sexy, I could get out of my head and into my body, allowing the sexual energy to percolate and rise up ( down ;-)), embodying a sexual goddess. It was an invaluable lesson and I was so grateful for it. When I took one of the ‘Which Goddess Are You?’ tests online, it told me that I was most aligned with Aphrodite, the Goddess of love, lust, beauty, pleasure and passion. I completely identify with her because one of the great joys in my life is sensuality and sexuality.
Once I was finally able to enjoy sex and feel good about my sexuality, I still felt the societal pressure of having to check myself. In our patriarchal culture, it’s not acceptable for a woman to be overtly sexual. Of course, we all know that’s completely unfair. Women have a lot of sexual energy, too. What would it look like if we were able to unleash all of this energy without judgment, hindrance or fear of being raped? It would be such a magnificent juicy world! I think the men would love it, too.
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